My Philosophy
by t0xique
Summary: a little drabble depicting a scene between Blaine and his older brother. Blangst. Blainecentric.  Prompted by the Cooper Anderson news on Tumblr.


**this is something that popped into my head after the news of Cooper Anderson were released. uhm. **

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><p>A fourteen-year-old Blaine Anderson sat in his bed with his head in his hands, running through his unruly hair; eyes closed trying to rid the continuous, treacherous thoughts from his mind. Trying to erase the nameless faces that continued to haunt him in his dreams, haunting him in his nightmares. Close to tears, he shook his head remembering what his dad had told him, "<em>boys don't cry; it's a sign of weakness,''<em>

It was terrifying really. He felt helpless and so very betrayed by his own hormones, by his very own self. He couldn't for the life of him, understand why he only thought of masculine features, strong jawbones, roughened hands. Blaine couldn't understand why he only thought of boys. Blaine felt sick, so particularly abnormal that he couldn't help the tears that fell without abandon.

Broken sobs wrecked his body as Blaine scurried to his bedside table, trying to turn on his iPod to mute his desperate sobs. Through blurry eyes, he pressed play to whatever he had been listening to previously.

As the music played on, a tragic instrumental ballad he was trying to perfect in the piano, Blaine chastised himself, silently reprimanding himself for the inexcusable thoughts and wants he could not suppress.

Blaine immersed in his anguish and self-loathing didn't notice the squeak of an opening door; suddenly, he shot up like a lightning, sitting straight and erect, just as his father had always demanded of him, and furiously rubbed at his eyes trying to erase all trace of fallen tears.

A handsome face peeked meekly through the door, a question falling from the stranger's lips, "Hey Blaine wan–"

Blaine, staring wide eyed at his brother felt nothing but contempt, not for his brother, but for himself. Blaine was painfully aware he would never excel as his brother did; he knew he would never shine as brightly as his brother in his father's eyes.

"Blaine, are you – are you okay?" Cooper gently asked.

Blaine didn't know how to respond, he just sat there staring blankly at his elder sibling.

Cooper cautiously approached the bed, knowing how likely his little brother was to snap. Despite Cooper's ignorant façade, he was well aware of the brooding resentment Blaine carried towards their father. If anything, Cooper knew there was a part that was directly solely towards him.

As he sat next to Blaine, he didn't know what was rattling his little brother just so; Cooper didn't even have the courage to ask. He just sat there in the uncomfortable silence.

Blaine was the one to break the silence.

Barely a whispering, Blaine asked, "Do you – do you think there is something wrong with me?

Cooper just stared at his brother intently, a gnawing suspicion as to what this was all about, "Why would you say that?

"Because I cannot understand why do I keep having these thoughts, why do I keep thinking things I – I shouldn't. Especially about _boys,'' _he finished, barely whispering.

Blaine had given up on all pretenses as he continued to shake, with his head bowed. Blaine had spoken not really expecting anything but revulsion and some sort of hardly contained abhorrence.

In return, he only got a resigned sigh and a look he couldn't quite decipher from his brother.

"So you really do swing the other way?'' Cooper finally said.

However, Cooper seriously and a little manically continued to press on, "Are you absolutely certain about this, Blaine? What are you planning on telling our parents?''

Blaine felt his blood boil, his knuckles itching for something, anything he could break. Instead, he opted for a shattered, angry whisper, "Don't you think I haven't thought of that? Don't you think it's enough that I'm a secondhand shadow to your perfect image of the ideal son?"

After that, Blaine started to furiously pace trying to calm his rattled nerves, just as he was about to shout at his brother once more, Cooper knocked the wind out of Blaine in unadulterated shock as Cooper quietly replied, "It's okay."

Those two words coupled with the accepting and growing grin in his older brother's face mauled at his clenching heart. Suddenly, Blaine felt like a terrible brother; the resentment he once felt towards his brother was all gone, thanks to those simple yet significant words.

Cooper stood and tightly hugged his brother, continuously whispering, "It's okay. It's okay.''

Blaine hugged his brother back, and clung to him as if he would never let go; Blaine closed his eyes, finally letting all the pent up tears of frustration, anger and self-hatred flow away.

Blaine could only believe his brother as he thought, ''_it's okay_.''

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><p><strong>so okay, yes, it may be a little cheesy and OOC and stuff. but, reviews are wonderful, x.<strong>


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